You might remember me posting about my dog Kuma who was having a harder time being a 90 pound dog with breathing issues each day.  It was time yesterday to let him go so I said my goodbyes and brought him to the vet.  Next week I will get his ashes and bury them in his favorite digging spot near our house and we’ll plant something there to honor him.

I will miss my dog.  He made me brave.  When I was newly single, newly jobless, newly searching for yet another way to recreate myself 12 years ago, my dog was by my side.  When I decided to sell everything I owned and move 1,500 miles away from everyone I knew, my dog was by my side.  He, like all loyal dogs, lived life with me and I already miss him so much.

I’ve been half-jokingly telling my husband lately that I am having a mid-life crisis.  I am wondering what I’ve got left of my “old life” -  – my life before I was a wife and a mother.  And now, the last part of my old life, my dog, is gone.

Somehow I know that this event is a catalyst for me.  I need to find out who I really, truly am.  I am so many, many things and have so many passions and ambitions, but who am I really? Can anyone else relate to this?

I’ve purposefully taken some much-needed time away from the Internet in order to be fully present in my daily life and it has been wonderful, yet, it has also been another push to find the answer to this question.

And the most ironic, and even humorous question is this:  Why don’t I already know the answer?